K.N. Lopez- Options Weighed

You are my loose ray of moonshine.
Even if you deny me, you still belong to me
I am your first. And you are mine.
Every touch- every glare- every sigh:
Can love ever be healthy?

You wilt under the pressure of unconditional
When all that you’ve ever known has been transactional.
And so you leave.
No note, leaving
Faint reminders:
Fading ticket stubs,
Dried out tea bags,
The wobbly doorknob,
All untouched and forgotten.

Like a sickening lullaby,
The quiet echoes of whispers and promises
Are cut off by a vivid image of you:
Red, puffy eyes glistening with tears of hurt
Mouth listing all the good I’ve given up on
Face simply radiant with anger

I reach out towards you-
But can’t even reach your shadow, as it thins away into the night

I retract strained arms
Casually pretending that I haven’t spent all night dreaming of
The day when I’ll finally catch that waning, taunting shadow.



Ed Hoornik – To Love a Woman

To love a woman is to escape death,
to be torn away from this earthly existence,
like flashes of lightning in each other’s souls,
to lay together, listening and dreaming,

To gently rock with trees at night,
kiss each other and have at each other,
in a blink of the eye to stand together in hardship,
to go under and come back up amazed.

“Asleep already?” I ask, but she doesn’t answer;
speechless, we lie thinking about each other:
two souls filled to the brim with sadness.

Far away is the world, that cannot touch us,
Close are the stars, that enchant as they sparkle.
It is as if I am dead and have left her behind.

~Translated from its original Dutch~

Een vrouw beminnen is de dood ontkomen,
Weggerukt worden uit dit aards bestaan,
Als bliksems in elkanders zielen slaan,
Te zamen liggen, luisteren en dromen,

Meewiegen met de nachtelijke bomen,
Elkander kussen en elkander slaan,
Elkaar een oogwenk naar het leven staan,
Ondergaan en verwonderd bovenkomen.

`Slaap je al?’ vraag ik, maar zij antwoordt niet;
Woordeloos liggen we aan elkaar te denken:
Twee zielen tot de rand toe vol verdriet.

Ver weg de wereld, die ons niet kan krenken,
Vlak bij de sterren, die betoovrend wenken.
‘T Is of ik dood ben en haar achterliet.

Forgetfulness – translated by The Earl of Longford

If now you hate me as you say,
Can you forget so soon
How you and I, the world away,
Once lay and watched the moon?

Can you forget the day when cool
Seemed to our love the sun,
The day that we-? But I’m a fool,
Besides, that day is done.

Can you forget you stroked my hair?
Moist palm upon my brow,
Red mouth, soft breast-. You do not care.
All that’s forgotten now.

Have you forgotten too, my flower,
How often you would tell
How God ne’er made until that hour
A man you loved so well?

Can you forget your love for me,
Whom now you do detest?
But that’s all one, those times are gone.
No doubt ‘tis for the best.

If each could learn as well as I
To profit by my pain,
There’s ne’er a man beneath the sky
Would ever love again.

Shoshone Love Song

Fair is the white star of twilight,
and the sky clearer at the day’s end;
But she is fairer, and she is dearer.
She, my heart’s friend!

Far stars and fair in the skies bending,
Low stars of hearth fires and wood smoke ascending,
The meadow-lark’s nested,
The night hawk is winging;
Home through the star-shine the hunter comes singing.

Fair is the white star of twilight,
And the moon roving
To the sky’s end;
But she is fairer, better worth loving,
She, my heart’s friend.

Christina Rossetti-“I loved you first: but afterwards your love”

Poca favilla gran fiamma seconda. – Dante
Ogni altra cosa, ogni pensier va fore,
E sol ivi con voi rimansi amore. – Petrarca

I loved you first: but afterwards your love
Outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song
As drowned the friendly cooings of my dove.
Which owes the other most? my love was long,
And yours one moment seemed to wax more strong;
I loved and guessed at you, you construed me
And loved me for what might or might not be –
Nay, weights and measures do us both a wrong.
For verily love knows not ‘mine’ or ‘thine;’
With separate ‘I’ and ‘thou’ free love has done,
For one is both and both are one in love:
Rich love knows nought of ‘thine that is not mine;’
Both have the strength and both the length thereof,
Both of us, of the love which makes us one.

Sylvia Plath- Mad Girl’s Love Song

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell’s fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan’s men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you’d return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)


I never had a sudden realization that I liked girls. I guess I was just never against the idea, even though my family was super religious. I’m a naturally open person and that includes sexuality, although recently I’ve identified mostly as a lesbian. (Vaguely important note: I’m not out to my family). I never had a crush on Charlie. First of all, I didn’t know she liked girls at that time (at least not concretely). Also, she was a little too out of my league for me to do that to myself. We were friends for most our freshman year of high school: not terribly close but I hung out in her dorm all the time, particularly with her roommate. And then one May morning changed (at the very least) the rest of my high school experience.

*to be continued in Chapter 1*

Walt Whitman- To a Stranger

PASSING stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me, as of a dream,)
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall’d as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,
You grew up with me, were a boy with me, or a girl with me,
I ate with you, and slept with you—your body has become not yours only, nor left my body
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass—you take of my beard,
hands, in return,
I am not to speak to you—I am to think of you when I sit alone, or wake at night alone,
I am to wait—I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

Paul Eluard- L’Amoureuse

Elle est debout sur mes paupières
Et ses cheveux sont dans les miens,
Elle a la forme de mes mains,
Elle a la couleur de mes yeux,
Elle s’engloutit dans mon ombre
Comme une pierre sur le ciel.

Elle a toujours les yeux ouverts
Et ne me laisse pas dormir.
Ses rêves en pleine lumière
Font s’évaporer les soleils
Me font rire, pleurer et rire,
Parler sans avoir rien à dire.